Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Men Are Like…

Men Are Like…

Mascara! They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like…..Government Bonds. They take so long to mature!

Men are like…..Parking Spots. The good ones are taken!

Men are like… Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong!

MEN!
They sweep you off your feet then try to hand you the broom!

QUICKFIRE

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism. 

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?

1. No mind. 2. No business.

How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”

Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence!

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars, they have no intention of driving!

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes. 🙂 

Men Vs Women

MEN:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, many don’t really appreciate them.
4. Although many don’t appreciate them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, many try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don’t learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

WOMEN:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “an old rag”.
6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t believe you.

Pet Peeves of Women

For any woman with a partner, boyfriend or husband, it seems like these are familiar complaints. In no particular order and completely in jest, here they are:

~ He never notices when I lose weight.
   He quickly notices when other females lose weight.

~ He is onto my case even if I gain a little weight and suddenly car parts like tires become a part of his regular vocabulary.

~ He is completely confused when asked how I am looking because he sincerely does not know if what I am wearing is new or if I have gone to a salon and done something to my face or God forbid something else that he has failed to notice. LOL

~ His frustration shows on his face when asked how a particular outfit looks on me. He doesn’t know how to diplomatically say that I am looking fat or that it does not suit me. 🙂

~ His compliments have decreased down the years, in the form of “you know me” diplomatic and insincere statements.

~ He does not remember most things including important dates and when I keep checking back if he has done some asignment, he says, “stop nagging!”

~ If someone compliments him that he has lost weight, he quickly takes that seriously but if the same is done to me, he says, “oh, I know better.” 🙂

~ He cooks one course and claims to cook the entire meal. In the bargain, he has left half the dishes in the house dirty.

~ He can spend hours in electronics stores among gadgets and consider that constructive. But, when I shop that is a waste of time.

~ His phone calls are all important whereas mine are mostly gossip.

~ He does not appreciate me often enough for all the “sacrifices” that I am making for the family.

What do you say ladies? Do you have any more to add or any you disagree with? And the men, I am sure you have your own list of pet peeves that I would love to hear 🙂

And trust me, other women notice everything. So, if you are looking for genuine motivation or demotivation, other lady friends and your children could be where you need to try your luck. Men are simply not tuned in to your crazy needs 🙂

You know you’re from Delhi when…

  •  You have faced power-cuts up to 10 hours a day!And yet, its no big deal for you.
  •  Living in the most posh colonies, you get to hear, “Aloo, Bhindi, Pyaaz, Tamatar le loo”… And you hear women asking the vegetable vendor “Bhaiyaa aapne free dhaniya nahi diya!” [Even with Half a kilo Carrot]
  •  You have Driven rash and Broken Signals more times than you can count. Doesnt matter whether you have a license or not. 
  •  You speak or hear the word “setting” or “jugad” at-least once a day.
  •  A meter working in an Auto – Miracle! And hear statements like..# Gas nahi hai# Gaadi waapis dene ka time ho gaya# Wahan se waapis ki sawaari nahi milti# Wahan jaam (traffic jam) mein kaun fasega.
  •  All guys have at-least been to Pallika bazar and they all know why. Well, even the girls are starting now. 😛
  •  Qutub Minar, Red Fort, Lotus Temple are just for tourist. You havnt been to more than two of these.
  •  You have an example of Delhi being unsafe for women in night. And now even for men.
  •  Diwali means every house is illuminated to such an extent that you wonder if its a competition of illlumination and cracker bursting is so continuous that it is diffiult to imagine one moment of silence on Diwali.
  •  You have been warned by your parents at-least once that going at public places like Malls, isnt safe, Cuz there might just a BOMB in that place.
  •   Almost every Delhi-ite understands Punjabi to an extent. May he belong to any region.
  •   You often see Middle Aged Aunties wearing Gucci shades and holding LV bags having Gol-Gappas in GK  or Bhelpuri in South Ex along with Diet Coke ! 🙂
  •  School students here, have gone to school, soo early in the morning, it being Dark!..REAL Dark And you’ve attended those 4 am GROUP tution’s during your boards! Haha…
  •  You have probably been to Gurudwara Bangla Sahib @ 4 in the morning Or even at 6.
  •  When everyone from the Auto Driver, Vegetable Vendor, Grocery Store guy, Watch-man, Salesperson to just any ‘guy’ is referred to here as ‘Bhaiya’. 😉
  •  You refer to East Delhi as Yamuna ke Us Paar.
  •  You refer to AIIMS as Medical.
  •   You overtake everyone from the wrong side and stare into his/her eyes while doing so.
  •  You’ve probably used the word ‘Tota’ to describe ANY Random-Hot-Chick that just passed by! ‘Phew!
  •   When you think EVERY South Indian comes from ‘Chennai’. No Offense.
  •  When you have an uncle in every SARKARI department!
  •  When If your side of the road has a traffic jam, then you start driving on the wrong side of the road.
  •   One of your favorite yummiest ice-creams was “ORANGE – BAR”

   DESPITE of all the goods and bads. You still Love Delhi. =]

%d bloggers like this: