Posts Tagged ‘failure’

Leaving The Baggage Behind

The only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life is you, and that can be a considerable obstacle because you carry the baggage of insecurities and past experience. ~  Les Brown

A few years ago,  I realized that I was going through life with loads of regrets about things I wished I had or hadn’t done. It was weighing me down and preventing me from enjoying my life. I realized that it was time to  leave the baggage behind! My past didn’t need to be a burden my present and my future.

I think that regrets are not altogether bad. They’re a signal given off by our internal moral compass – to tell us: ‘Hey buddy, you’ve messed up!” If you have a conscience, you will have regrets – for all we all make mistakes, we all mess up, we all break promises……….And regrets can act as deterrents to making the same mistakes. They can also be strong motivators for us to accomplish things we’ve meant to do in the past but didn’t.

So if I think regrets are so great, why did I want to let them go, you ask? Because most often, as in my case, what we need to let go of is the way we perceive our past.

We need to let go of our perceptions of our past ,I needed to heal from the hurt I had caused myself and the hurt (real or imagined hurt) that was caused to me by others. Here’s what  helped me in this process:

I took complete responsibility for my feelings, choices and actions and the consequence of these. No blame or judgement, but simply owning up. I realized that unless I took responsibility for the role I played in that choice or action, I couldn’t move on. That’s one of the most empowering things I have done for myself. No more was I the victim.

Another important realization was that behind every mistake or hurt was a lesson. Every mistake or painful experience was actually a gift – a learning moment. At the time I didn’t see it that way, and even when I recalled the experiences I was too filled with emotion to realize the lessons. When I re-looked at the things I regretted in the context of a lesson, I began to find meaning in each experience.

Finally I learned to live in the present. By living in the present, I am empowered. I choose how I want my life to be. I no longer feel powerless or a victim of my past. By choosing to be happy and fulfilled in the present, I am letting go of the past.

I recall one of Anthony D’mello’s teachings:
Why should I drop my past? Not all of it is bad. The past is to be dropped not because it is bad but because it is dead.

So I’ve dropped my past and feel much lighter for it.

Being Too Nice is Not Nice!

You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of niceness, I have no sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion. ~ Garrison Keillor

I’ve been one of those people who was too nice for their own good. This was mostly with my friends, acquaintances and family. You might ask, isn’t ‘niceness’ a good quality in a relationship? Well, it is, if you don’t end up suppressing your needs, your opinions, not stating your preferences, etc.

Niceness is nice as long as it’s not a result of low self-esteem, guilt or loneliness. If it’s the result of any of these, then it can really be a killer – because you’ll only attract to yourself people who exploit you.

I guess much of the reason we’re nice is that we all suffer from what I call the ‘what-will-people-say’ syndrome. Well, somewhere along the way, I asked myself who these ‘people’ were, did they really care about me and wasn’t being nice to myself my first duty? I found that when I started expressing my views, opinions and asserting myself that the people who really cared applauded and the ‘exploiters’ were the ones who couldn’t handle it. I also found that I’m happier, less stressed and more confident now than when I was too nice.

In the words of Bill Cosby: ‘I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.’

You know, life is full of imperfect things .. and imperfect people. I’m not the best housekeeper or cook.
What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults – and choosing to celebrate each others differences – is the one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that’s my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of GOD. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where burnt toast isn’t a deal-breaker! We could extend this to any relationship in fact -as understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!!

Be Happy for others

I read an article recently that talked about how people find a secret satisfaction in seeing others fail, especially if those people happen to be your competitors. Whether its your friends or co-workers or family members, if they are comparable to you in any way and they do better than you at something it causes a person to feel jealous. I suppose its hard to watch someone else do better than you.

But does feeling good about other’s failures not reflect on your own status? If you are happy with your life, would you really feel the need to be unhappy about other’s good fortune or feel good about other’s misfortune? How does that alter your own life? What difference does it really make to you? If someone else is dumber than you, it might make you feel smarter in the moment but in the long run it would only limit your intelligence. If someone else is poorer than you, it might make you feel rich in comparison but your actual wealth would not change. If someone else is uglier than you, you might feel prettier when you are around them but what happens when you are out among others?

I know its human nature to want the best for yourself, to have that slight competitive spirit, to want to do better than others and succeed in all your endeavours. There is nothing wrong with that but if you focus more on your personal goals & satisfaction instead of evaluating your success by constant comparison to others, wouldn’t you come out happier? When I see my friends and family succeed, I’m genuinely happy for them. I feel proud of the fact that they are in my life. I love to be happy for other’s happiness. Everyone deserves a little bliss and joy multiplies with people. I hope people can put aside their own agendas from time to time and enjoy the happiness in being happy for others 🙂

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